9. Running Machine

In between my attempts at craftiness, I've begun training for my next 5K run {Hey there, right sidebar list: I'm coming for you!}. I'm running this at Cantigny, a beautiful park/mansion/gold course in early November. It should be an absolutely beautiful run. I'm running it with my cousin, her fiance and my husband {affectionately referred to as The Bromance, because they pretty much love each other more than they love us girls}.

Training is going really well {knock on wood}. I've busted out my Nike+ running chip, and have figured out how to use that in addition to the C25K app on my iPhone. It's pretty sweet. The C25K app times me, and audibly announces when it's time to run, walk, jog, or cool down. With the Nike+ app running in the background, it tracks my pace, distance, and calories burned. I'm trying to see if I can get it to track my splits, too. They're pretty phenomenal combined.

I have high hopes for the race, and am hoping to run it under 40 minutes. I know that's not really a fantastic time for a lot of people, but for a girl who always struggled to run a single mile, even when I was swimming for 3 hours a day and in the best shape of my life, it seems like a reasonable but tough goal. I've also made a really, really hard choice to aid in my training: No Fast Food. Dabbling in veganism has certainly reduced the amount of fast food I eat, but I've gotten lax with this lately {mmm...Taco Bell!}. This new rule means anything with a drive-thru is a no-go. The hardest part? I had to say Sayonara to my fall favorites: Dunkin' Donuts Pumpkin coffee and Sbux Pumpkin Spice Lattes {which sadly, sans milk and whip, are not vegan}. It's a pretty terrible image, but when I'm out running, all I picture is my skinnier self, in my post-race gear sipping a pumpkin latte. {whatever works, right?}

I'm now accepting volunteer applications for someone at the finish line holding a poster and a latte.

4. Whomp Whomp

I love me a good pity party. Generally, these affairs tend to fall on days after something's been done to me -- an email attack from a client or coworker, a bout of bad Karma from the universe, a medically necessary but painful procedure, etc. Yesterday I endured the latter. I'm not much of a ninny, and can generally handle physical pain and medical torture. What I have trouble coping with is the emotion behind the visits.

Without boring you to death, I'll give you the abridged version: Girl starts seeing spots, girl is diagnosed with blood clot in eye, no underlying cause determined. Girl develops unrelated but alarming inflammation in same eye, again, no underlying cause can be determined. Girl goes on low-dose chemo and steroids for four months, becomes walking nightmare. Girl goes into remission. Girl develops new treatable problem, endures eye injections, is given clean bill of health.

Fast forward to yesterday: girl has relapsed, only 3 short weeks from being told that "everything looks perfect."

Even though the injections are no walk in the park, they're not as terrible as they sound. {Needles in eyes are never pleasant, regardless of numbing drops.} The worst part for me is the anxiety of never knowing if/when this condition will reappear. Due to the magical ability for the body to continually regenerate cells, both good and bad, I will always be dealing with this problem and subsequent injections for the rest of my life. {Or until they start creating new eyes in test tubes.} Logically, I know this could be worse. In fact, it was much worse last year. Emotionally, however, there's still a big chasm I need to cross before I feel comfortable saying "I'm grateful for this." I really vacillate between handling the situation with strength and grace, or being a complete brat and complaining about such rotten luck. {Think Nancy Kerrigan.}

From what I can gather, I seem to get these "relapses" about every 4-5 months. My hope moving forward is that I can start to bridge my pity gap and move towards an outlook that is one of realism, positivity, and grace, because no one likes a Debbie Downer. I want to remove the anxiety of waiting "for the other shoe to drop" and live in the present, being grateful that my treatment is quick and effective, and that the problem is not more widespread and damaging. Does this mean that I can sit on the couch after my treatments with a pint of Haagen-Daaz coffee ice cream? {Shhhhh. I like to pretend that it's vegan.}